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The Murphy Saga

or I Don't Think I'm Supposed To Be On This Planet

29 November 1960
I am an immature 46-yr old. It occurs to me that 46 is middle age, is it not? So I must be immature because I sure don't act like any middle-aged person I have ever known. Of course, I have known younger people, men and women, who seemed older -- sometimes much older -- than their true years. A friend of mine whom I thought was in his 50s turns out to be only TWO years older than me. Trip. Some people wear their whole lives on their face. I do, as well. But in my case, instead of looking older and worn, I look young, naive and easily led down the garden path...and so I am. (Then I go and say something like "led down the garden path" and totally date myself.)

Moving on...

I'm painfully single, a mother, a grandmother, work as a dispatcher for a union hall in Las Vegas. I read constantly, mostly Sci-Fi/Fantasy. I'm a carnivore, I smoke, I party and I like to date younger guys (we're talking at LEAST 10 years younger), preferably buff, always good looking. Heartbreakers, in other words. Surprise. I am of Spanish/Cuban descent, black hair, light olive skin, deep brown eyes, full lips, Goth to the max, honest to a fault, loyal, funny, smart without being a brainiac, absent-minded, accepting rather than tolerant, hot tempered and laid back at the same time (in other words, I'll let a lot of stuff slide, figuring people know right from wrong without my telling them, but when I get mad I get REALLY mad), and I try to be fair in my dealings with human beings...

...I say "with human beings" because all of my life I've felt out of place and unsure and as if everyone else was given the script and/or the rules to this life and I wasn't. A misfit, in other words. I often feel as if I don't belong on this planet. Wish I was kidding. Hopefully, I'm not the only one. As it is, I very often feel like the fox to everyone else's scorpion. If you're unfamiliar with that particular parable, well, let's just say that when I'm on the wrong end of a bad situation it is often because I myself knew better and chose -- for whatever reason -- to ignore my better instincts, which, unfotunately, are never wrong.


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